What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize