His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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