They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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