I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
