ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
