Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
