I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
