Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
