I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
