Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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