she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
