If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
