Jerry, you need to find god
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize