Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
