i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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