I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
