dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
