Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
