Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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