He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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