she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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