ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
