I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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