Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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