My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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