Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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