I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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