Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
