I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize