i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
