First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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