So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
