Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I sprained my soul last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
