I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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