Non-Jews are for practice
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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