i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
