dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He felt like a one man threesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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