oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize