Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want her autograph on my taint
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize