He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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