God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
