saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
