On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
