Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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