I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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