I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
