Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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