Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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