The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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