i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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