Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
