so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
