I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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