College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
