peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
