sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
