the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
