Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
