youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
honey bunches of taint.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
