I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
