I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
