i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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