Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
