If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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