remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
