i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
