are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
