I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
