I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
