This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Vodka?
Forever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
