Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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