i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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