she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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