VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
