Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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