am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
