I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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