the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
