Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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