The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My feet surprised me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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