i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
