She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
