I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
