i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
