Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
