I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
