I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
