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i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
